While on a hike recently, I came across a sign that said:

🚫 If you see a bear, don’t make eye contact

(which the bear may perceive as a sign of aggression)

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Which was right next to another sign:

👀 If you see a mountain lion, DO make eye contact

(which shows the lion that you are aware of its presence & not afraid)

These signs made me feel a bit spooked, reminding me of the possibility of encountering these creatures.

(Though, to my relief, a third sign in the vicinity stated that the last reported bear or mountain lion sighting was several years ago. Phew.)

The signs also made me feel grateful - because they provided actual instructions on how to engage with these creatures, to increase the likelihood of a safe interaction.

Later, I (half-jokingly) wondered: what if we had these types of “instruction manuals” for humans, too?

Imagine if you could hand an instruction manual to every person that you meet, explaining how you prefer to be interacted with.

This “manual” might sound like:

✔️ This person loves hugs, but doesn’t like sustained, direct eye contact - so don’t take it personally if they don’t look at you as often as you would expect.

✔️ This person likes deep conversations, but hates small talk - so don’t ask them, how’s the weather? They’d probably rather talk about philosophy instead.

✔️ This person finds texting easier than phone calls - so if you need to reach them sooner rather than later, send them a text.

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My point is: knowing basic things about people’s “operating systems” (how their brain works, what their nervous system needs, how they prefer to be interacted with) can save a lot of misunderstanding, and increase the likelihood of a positive interaction for all parties involved.

Some people like direct eye contact (like the mountain lion). Others don’t (like the bear).

Some people like small talk. Others run away from it.

Each brain & nervous system is unique, with a distinct set of needs & preferences.

It’s helpful to know our own “operating systems,” so that we can communicate our needs & preferences to others and design a life that works for us, as much as possible.

If you could write an “instruction manual” for yourself - what would you want people to know about you?

With care,

ON THE PODCAST | EP 17 3 Questions to Ponder if You Discovered Your Neurodivergence Later in Life If you discovered your neurodivergence (like autism or ADHD) later in life, it may feel like you’re getting to know yourself for the first time. The process can be exciting & expansive - and also overwhelming & disorienting. This episode is here to affirm you, support you, and awaken a sense of curiosity & self-compassion… wherever you are in your journey of unmasking & embracing your authentic self. We’ll explore: why some people discover their neurodivergence later in life (and how lack of diversity in mental health research impacts the information available for folks) why self-identification & formal diagnosis are both valid options - there is no one “right” path how different seasons of life might unmask/unearth your neurodivergent traits, as your relationship w/ self changes across time LISTEN HERE (22 min) 🌻

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Intensives are a type of short-term, accelerated therapy — for folks who prefer a hyper-focused approach to healing; who need longer than 50-min sessions to warm up & process deeply.

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